A Classics Major Gets Laid...Maybe

Come hither, yonder wench and allow me tell you the tale of horny Aphrodite – the goddess who never wanted for attention! Hers is a tale of tawdry torment, of bounteous lust, of skin-slapping without end! ‘Tis the tale of the night fox, indeed it is! Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yes! Oh yes, indeed!

Are you ready to bow down to the Scepter of Agamemnon, my love? You must be, for your eyes sing songs to my heart’s delight and your lips are full and red! Ours shall be a boning that sweeps away time and space – more akin to the chaos of the void than the harmony of the Cosmos, yes?

Methinks my mighty oak be ready for the damp glen of your nether regions.

Come now, my love, for the time is nigh! We shall be off and soaked as a salt-sprayed ship bound for the Aegean! And when we arrive, I shall enter your gates as innocently as a Trojan horse, only to release armed Greeks into your burning citadel….

Ready your sopping galley, for my seamen are set to board!

Oh hey – wait. Do you have money for cab fare?...‘cause my Visa’s sorta maxed out after all those shots. Yeah? Great.

Then let us leap as fleet-footed Mercury, for I’m about to pass out!