Monday, October 23, 2006

The Lowdown on Loveaholics

The only thing that may be worse than a guy who avoids commitment is one who is lost without it

You probably know the type — in fact, you may have dated him a dude who moves from one megaserious relationship to another without taking a breather. If this brand of love behavior had a poster boy, it surely would be actor Chad Michael Murray. He split from his wife of five months, Sophia Bush, last September, and by April, he already was engaged to 18-year-old Kenzie Dalton. Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise, and Brad Pitt's romances have also had a 0 to 60 trajectory. Cosmo decided to get to the heart of why some men seem to have a hopeless addiction to love.

Surprisingly, experts say, love has little to do with it. "Some men are codependent and insecure and need the personal affirmation and stability that comes with being in a relationship," explains Jay Carter, PsyD, author of Nasty Men. More often though, serial monogamists are thrill seekers who get off on the rush of new romances. "They get caught up in initial feelings of lust and infatuation…and put their partners on a pedestal," says Carter. When reality sets in and they realize their new mates have flaws like everyone else, these guys can't get out of the relationship fast enough. Then they leap headfirst into yet another union to keep their romance high going.

While in hot pursuit of this early-love buzz, these guys don't take the time to measure their true compatibility with a partner. And worse, when the relationship inevitably falls apart, they don't pause to figure out why it didn't work.

So what do you do if you fall for a guy who has all the signs of a loveaholic? Bob Berkowitz, PhD, author of What Men Won't Tell You but Women Need to Know, says to tread carefully. "If he's had a slew of back-to-back serious relationships, there's a good chance you'll end up being another one on that list."

After a relationship ends, these guys don't pause to figure out why it failed.

By: Rotchford, Lesley, Cosmopolitan, Oct2006


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